des
260687
christian
Saturday, October 04, 2008
lost~~there are many times when i stop and ask God why ? why must i work and study at such a young age? cant i just enjoy studying then start working? what am i doing? why am i working, studying, giving tuition and doing project non-stop. why am i using up all my time on this. is this right?
maybe... somehow maybe...it is because he knows through this i will to learn to grow closer to him,s eek him for more strength and comfort, spend at least an hour reading his words, to listen & obey his words more when i loses my temper when i am tired and spent time more with my mom.
maybe i am just not mature enough such that even after months of working and studying, i am still complaining and grumbling.
my sis have tried studying & working and she have done it very well. my mom is both a housewife and a working women and she is doing both very well. they are like a super women. maybe they are hoping i can be a super women too. seriously, i am trying but sometime i hope i can just be just a normal person...
although there are many times when i complain how working sucks, however there are times when i am happy working there too. the funny things my colleague tells me and funny action they do keeps me happy. hahaha.. one of my colleague told me this " why are you always laughing at everything i say? is it that funny??" my reply" hahahaha ". of course there times when i learn about the realist issue about working life.. about how you have to protect yourself.. about how some person love to push the blame on others. i guess thats part of growing up.. actually it is not that scary .. so i hope i don scare anyone.. ha ha ha..
can you believe i am actually crying when i am typing the top part of this post? it not really something very sad just that i am a crybaby. hahaha. i cry quite easily lei. no wonder my sis use to call me a crybaby.
is accounting what i love? is accounting what i wanna do in the future? seriously , i am not sure. i am just taking this degree because i have taken it before and account is one of the best result i have achieve in my 'O' levels.thats all. what an answer man. maybe i can be a teacher that teaches accounting, thats what i have been think these few weeks. but then thinking about it how many accounting teachers are really needed? and is really teaching accounting what i love? i would rather teach sciences or math though. but then what about my accounting degree? wont i be wasting it?
see how at times passion and reality works differently.
sometime i wonder those night when i cry are due to my busy lifestyle or my feeling of being lost. (still seeking God for his will and directions) :)
anyway.. i have been really naughty these few days, i havent been reading God words as i ought to. it started with 1 hour for him then slowly.. 45mins...30 mins...now its 15 mins. dots. slap myself.
there are getting more and more things to pray about these few days..
praise God for a blessed week :))
ah.. i forgot to mention. i failed my law mid exam. very very depressed. hai~~
but but ... i will get over it :))
copied this from a website.. happy reading...
The Path to Straight"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 were some of the first Scripture verses I memorized as a child. For some reason, the words seemed to bounce with joy, energy, and a sense of lightness as I learned them. For me, these were very "happy" verses in Scripture--verses that seemed to indicate God's direct guidance for all his children down happy, straight pathways. I inferred that trusting in God's guidance would be the result of seeing the wonderful, straight pathways laid out before me that I would willingly and gladly walk on towards all my goals, desires, and dreams.While these are still precious Scripture verses to me, I have come to understand them differently as an adult. I recognize now that trusting the Lord was easy when everything was going my way! I didn't rely on my own understanding because I didn't have to! But, when dreams began to die, life-goals went unmet, and desires dried up, I realized the challenge these verses really offer; they offered me the opportunity to learn the real meaning of "trust." "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding" took on new meaning in the face of absence, want, and unfulfillment. Real trust in the Lord is only forged out of the fires of testing--testing that reveals whether we truly trust in the Lord or in what we want the Lord to give us. In other words, do we trust the Provider, or the Provider's provisions? In my own life, when it seemed that God withdrew the "provisions" and things stopped going my way, my plans failed, or my goals and dreams didn't materialize, I began to realize that my trust was in my own understanding of what was necessary to make my paths straight. So, as God had abandoned my plans, my test of trust began. C.S. Lewis once wrote in his marvelous book The Screwtape Letters that in order for the believer to mature in faith and trust, God must withdraw "all the supports and incentives" and "leave the creature to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish." He continues this thought through the character of Uncle Screwtape, the senior demon coaching his nephew Wormwood on the skills of devilry: "It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He [God] wants it to be. Only then, when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's [God's] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."(1) You see, when our paths are crooked we are tempted to place our trust in the things God provides. As God withdraws those supports we have the challenge of leaning on our own understanding (grasping for things), or allowing true trust in the Lord to develop and bloom (grasping for God). As we trust God even while feeling lost and abandoned to crooked, twisting, and unsafe paths, paths that we thought would lead us to our plans, dreams, and desires, only then can we follow the ever-straightening path to our heart's desire found in God alone. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." As you find yourself wandering down crooked paths of disappointment, may you find God leading you to place your trust in Him alone. As your trust grows, may you see straight paths of rest and contentment unfold before you. As you release your own understanding, may you find the Lord to be your heart's desire.